Listening with Needs
Trainer: Hugo Roele
6, 13, 20 and 27 June 2023
✅ Have you ever experienced that your partner, colleague, child or client is not satisfied with the way you listen?
✅ Would you like to be able to listen at a higher level and with more ease, even when the things others say “make you” feel scared, angry or sad?
✅ Would you like to know what to do, when others don’t listen to you the way you want them to?
The first step to change is to listen to all our thoughts and feelings, even the painful and ugly ones.
Judgements and interpretations about ourselves and others are amongst the most valuable things our brain provides us with. They tell us, what’s alive in us and where our brain sees room for improvement. These thoughts and images may often not be true and when expressed to certain people, they can lead to conflict or the loss of connection. At the same time expressing these “ugly” thoughts and the strong feelings that go with them to the “right” person, and being listened to, is very often the first step to change.
This course teaches you how you can listen to all the thoughts that want to be heard at a higher level. How to listen when someone wants to commit suicide, without giving advice. How to listen when someone has thoughts of destruction, without trying to tell them these thoughts are “wrong”. How to listen to yourself, when you have similar thoughts? And what both the listener AND speaker can do to create an environment where all thoughts can be heard as much as possible and needed.
A 6-step model for listening
- Telling/repeating a story
- Feelings and thoughts
- Analysis and Strategies
How will we work?
The 6-step model for listening is complementary to the 4-step model for speaking of NVC. To make you experience its value we will try to use your own examples. What happened when you tried to listen, but the other (or you) was not (completely) satisfied? What could have been done differently, when someone tried to listen to you and you were not satisfied?
Much emphasis will be put on presence: to feel when you’re not sufficiently present and what can be done to come back.
Listen, listen, speak
The reason conflicts become bigger is that we speak before we listen or try to listen to others before we listen to ourselves and often there is a combination of these.
6, 13, 20 and 27 June 2023
at 19:00-21:30 (CEST/Berlin time)
Online on Zoom (we will send you the link to the meeting after registration – check your email!). Sessions will be NOT recorded, so the only possibility to participate is to be there Live.
(sliding scale 140-320 EUR)
Early bird till 24 May: 120-320 EUR
What do you need
To participate, you need a stable internet connection, your preferred device with a microphone and camera, and a pen and notebook, if you like taking notes.
I have worked for many years as a trainer, coach, mediator and management consultant in a number of European countries. I began studying and teaching Nonviolent Communication in 2001. Since 2010 I dedicated much of my time to developing methods and tools that make it easier to learn NVC. The Book of Needs, Empathy Path, Deck of Needs, Strategy Cards and Flower of Needs are all based on my broad experience (professional/private) and the cooperation with many trainers all over the world. I’m the proud father of three sons and live in Enschede, The Netherlands. More about the tools above can be found at www.kommunikasie.org. More about my work as a professional listener and about my life can be found at www.hugoaroele.nl.
Deck of Needs, Strategy Cards and Empathy Path
The 6-step model for listening, Empathy Path, Deck of Needs, Strategy Cards and my other tools were developed to support others to be heard. They are based on my work as a coach and trainer, as well as my own experience as a partner, father and son. In 2008/2009 the ideas now integrated in the Empathy Path helped me to ‘listen’ to the leukaemia that threatened to kill my oldest son. It also helped me to formulate, how I wanted others to listen to me. Since then these ideas have helped many people to be heard too.
The first version of the Deck of Needs came out in 2011. With the help of several native speakers, I’ve been able to create versions in English, German, Polish, French and Dutch (working on Spanish). Working with people from many different countries and cultures has led to several tools, that keep surprising me. To me, the biggest proof of the value of these tools is the physical reactions people experience while using them. Often people can’t move forward to the next step of the Empathy Path, because the previous step has not been sufficiently fulfilled. Or people hold on to a card from the Deck of Needs and can’t put it back, because it clearly wants to be found and heard.